99155fe5e8ce05884543b04d92b283f0

“Sometimes the bear will eat you. Sometimes you eat the bear. “ -Joan Armatrading-

I am interested in option C…

One of the most challenging aspects of cancer entering my world, has been the language and energy that surrounds it. “War on cancer. Fighter. survivor.” It is angry, aggressive, destructive. Prompts fight or flight response. Cancer is more nuanced than that. It needs to be listened to.

Trust me, I don’t want to have cancer take over my body. I love being here on this planet as a human being in a fragile yet wildly resilient skin suit. I am thoroughly committed to living cancer free for a very, very long time, and I am not storming through the brush with a machine gun and a blow torch, screaming “Fuck you cancer! Die! Die! Die!”, going all Rambo and shit on it.

I do not like the energy around “killing, destroying, crushing, obliterating etc.”

I believe that cancer shows up when something is out of balance, and our inner world goes off kilter when our outer world is out of balance. Our outer world on a global level is seriously out of balance. We are endlessly bombarded with too much work, too much stress, too much information, too much worry, exhausting relationships, toxins in every form in our environment. Even if we love what we do, we can still be pushing too hard. Idling too fast. I know I have. God, have i ever.

3dcad6c6b7b61b217c10d15df7cd9eb6

Yes, I am actively participating in chemotherapy. Today is #11. One to go. The plan is to begin radiation in September. I have doubts and questions about this. These are treatments that target killing cancer cells. I am aware of that, but I am choosing to see it as a process of cleansing my system. Wiping the slate clean. Cancer cells are healthy cells that have gone rogue. The treatment is to get rid of the rogue cells and create an environment where they won’t return. Then we have to do everything in our power to support our immune system, our adrenals, our nervous system, digestive system and tend to our emotional state.

Cancer shows up to call us out to be uncompromisingly honest with ourselves and how we are living our lives. Will you listen, pay attention, and make changes? Or will you angrily, fearfully ignore the guidance and attempt to hurry up and kill it so you can go back to living your life exactly the way you were before.

037cc7bf19da283b59d59e616656b49c

I am sitting quietly with my cancer and listening closely. There is no going back, only creating something completely different. There is a difference between timid and shrinking and strong and silent. What can I change in my life and the way I respond to it? Where to put my energy and attention to transform it? Neutralize it.

98708acc6278f137637b351746be5245

How do you enter the cave knowing there is a bear in there and not be terrified of waking it? Do not cower in a corner, endlessly striking matches and straining your eyes, but listen to it breath in the dark and be okay with that. Maybe in some odd way you can cohabitate. Sleep with the bear. We won’t disturb the cancer, the cancer doesn’t disturb us. Cancer is always present in our bodies, but it takes a trigger to activate it. Can we put the gun down and do something else?

80dc4951003d7477d25444357945aefb

This approach resonates with me, and I am working with that stratagem.

I embrace Stratagem C…

amelie-zorro1