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I promise I will get back to my food story, but needed to segue for a moment…

had my final doctor’s appointment on Tuesday last week. have gained 10 pounds since chemo…yikes! although my doctor had a very hard time keeping a straight face when I complained of being fat and bloated. “I am sure it feels that way to you, but…not true. the weight and the bloat will come off as the chemo moves out and through.” so I’ve got that going for me.

I have a mammogram scheduled for next week for the remaining sorely neglected breast, continued herceptin till October, two cardiograms to make sure the herceptin is not screwing with my heart (it’s always something)  and then…well…that’s it…

I am 100% not guaranteed! Just like life. it is an odd place to land.  trust and acceptance taken to a truly professional level. I’ve worked hard, moved thru some intense physical training, emotional trauma, made my way thru the ranks, now all I can do is give my best effort and not look back. my own personal super bowl. without the hotdogs. mmmm…..hotdogs…..organic, kosher, no anti-biotics…mmmm…..

still lots of muscular exhaustion, discovering tightness in my hamstrings in yoga that I have never known before. who’s legs are these? actually, who’s body is this anyway? I believe that it is a loaner, to get me thru till the new one arrives in the spring. I am taking very good care of this one though. allowing my yoga practice to reflect where I am right now. not where I was, or where will be. new territory every day.

I was supposed to host a mini retreat at my house today, titled “I love me”. sort of a valentine’s day antidote. delighting in the holy trinity of  “me, myself and I,” whether in relationship or not.

a day of restorative yoga by the fire, meditation, journaling, a delicious simple meal of coconut lentil soup, tarot cards and making a goddess candle for your personal altar.

started getting a sore throat and a 2 pack a day smoker’s cough on Thursday and by this morning, i sound like Selma Bouvier from The Simpsons

so I sent out a cancellation email at 4:30 this morning. was up much of the night between coughing and listening to an owl hooting outside my bedroom all night. so comforting. I felt watched over. like magic was making it’s way back into my life, or reminding me that it was never gone.

went downstairs, lit candles, built a fire, looking out the window at thick white fog, listening to the silence. the peaceful, enveloping silence. breathing into it. feeling really happy.

and so I will have my own “I love me” mini retreat in my home before my daughter comes home late this afternoon. rebuilding and loving and sitting quietly with all of my loveliness. coaxing me back into my life.

I just received an email from someone telling me that the superbowl was today….hee, hee, I had no idea…didn’t even know who was playing.  apparently the 49ers and the ravens.

raven has always been a power animal for me in my totem.
“raven activates the energy of magic and links it to our will and intention.” just the fact that ravens are up in the world consciousness today, makes me smile. go ravens! today and everyday may the magic be activated and unleashed for the healing for everyone.

(photo by vanessa paxton. LOVE THIS)

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