So greetings peoples,
This is actually the second blog I have written, but the first one that will make it’s way into the world. The first offering vaporized into the websphere when i hit “save and publish”… note to self : “write in a word document first and then cut and paste it in”… check.
so, here we go again…
i was diagnosed with breast cancer a little over a year ago…how is that for an ice breaker? here is a cliff notes version of my time line:
found a lump in late june. biopsy in august. cancer! change my diet, change my life. lumpectomy in september. looks like everything is cool. but, it’s cancer, so one never really knows…right? no radiation. no chemo. move thru the next 6 months having a series of small nervous breakdowns. well, maybe a couple of big ones thrown into the mix as well.. moving forward.? turn 50 in april. big beautiful party with all of my fantastic beloved tribe around me. find another lump 2 weeks later. mri. pet ct scan. ultrasound. biopsy. cancer! mastectomy 2 weeks ago. open to chemo in october.
cancer is freaky as hell because there is no rhyme or reason to why it does or does not show up in someone. we know the things that create the environment for it, have no idea why it manifests in some people and not others.
the world is full, of junk food eating, over weight, couch surfing, alcoholics who never get cancer and live to be mean and bitter and 95. people who live a healthy life style can get it and die at 35. you can do surgery, chemo, drugs, radiation and change nothing about your diet and never get it again, or the treament could kill you. you can change everything about your life and never get it again, or you could die. you can do nothing and never get it again, or you could die. you can do everything possible and, yes, you could still die. you can be blissfully aware and die, and blindly ignorant and live to tell the tale.
everyone’s cancer is theirs. their experience alone. the same protocl does not work the same way for any two people. illness is never a one size fits all program, but cancer is extra tricky that way. no quarantees. nothing fool proof. nothing 100 percent. no one really knows for sure. it is unsettling as hell. it requires nothing less than the most extraordinary leap of faith, and deep trust in yourself to move thru this. what works for ME? how can i listen to what MY body is telling me?
cancer is a perfect storm of elements at play: physical, nutritional, emotional, familial, ancestral. for me, personally, it has been a staggering gift. it has changed my life in a million way that it needed to be changed. i have found strength i had no idea i possessed.
i do not “fight caner”. i am not “at war with cancer”. i do not seek to “knock it out”. “kill it. kick it’s ass. anialate it.” terminology too angry and violent for me. don’t want to be at war with my own body. “transform. release. realign. bring back into balance.” yes. i am however, fully committed to my healing. i have removed the physical manifestation of the cancer (mastectomy), feed and nourish my being on every level, something i have not really done a very good job of in the past, and have dove deep into the center of it emotionally to see what i need to heal there and what may have helped bring it to the surface in the first place.
cancer does not define who i am, but it most certainly influences how i move thru the world. it has changed my life forever and for that i am eternally grateful. as i state in my profile, this blog is “the musings of a giant hearted cancer surviving yogini.” my musings. not my pontificatingwe as human beings heal thru sharing our stories and others pull strength from that and then they can heal as well. we know that we are not alone. the world is a better place when we do everything that we can to heal ourselves. everybody wins. my hope is that thru writing this blog it aids in my healing and that it touches others as well.
let the healing begin.